One of the most challenging parts of uprooting our family and moving to Manhattan was the learning curve getting used to not having our own transportation to rely on. We were so used to driving our own cars around that were both outfitted with car seats for our two babies (at the time), a luxury that was one we didn’t realize we had until we didn’t have it any more. Our apartment building on the East River was just removed enough to be accessible easily via cars and oddly, boats and helicopters, but not the subway. We quickly got used to walking far and often, switching between strollers and baby carriers in any and all circumstances and situations.
As we started to meet people and make friends both in dental school and through the blogging community and the various events we were so fortunately invited to, we started being invited to dinners and cocktail parties that almost always involved alcohol. Considering our busy schedule, lack of babysitters (or funds to pay them, as it was), it was often the case that we didn’t attend these gatherings as a couple without our children. Going out on the town and “partying” wasn’t something we were interested in doing very often-if ever-but in the event that we had a drink or two, there was always a taxi to be hailed to bring us home. As it goes in Manhattan, many residents don’t own cars and the transportation options are plentiful, so for the time we lived in the city we never worried about drinking and driving, or being in a situation where our peers would be in that situation, either.
Six years later, we’re living in our hometown again, a quiet suburban town in the Bay Area. Our friends and family members are living all around us in a community that is familiar and peppered with popular and trendy establishments. The opportunities to go out and visit with old friends and connect with other families during the holidays are many, given the frequency of events and activities that are offered around town. The downtown area is full of restaurants and bars that are almost always busy, and during the holidays even more so with everyone back in town. It is friendly and nostalgic and familiar and safe, but there is always that nagging feeling that the only way to get around these parts is driving our personal cars or calling a Taxi. We have learned over the course of the past years and through friends that have lived through bad experiences that there always needs to be a responsible party, someone that has planned ahead for designated drivers or installing the Uber app on their phone.
As part of the #HolidayResponsibly survey, the responsibility.org team asked Americans if they have the confidence to speak up and intervene before a friend or family member drives home from an occasion, like a holiday party, after drinking too much. 19% of Americans indicated they do not have the confidence to speak up and 63% said they rarely or never use alternative transportation to get home, and the same percentage do not know the legal limit of 0.08 BAC for drunk driving, which is the law in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.
These data points made me think about whether or not I would intervene if I knew a friend needed assistance in getting home, and I decided that rather than make it a big issue, I’d likely call an Uber and pay for it without insinuating or sounding accusatory in a discussion. More or less like, “Hey, I ordered an Uber, why don’t you take that home and I’ll call another one for myself”. Almost all of my friends have children, and I would likely feel very badly about second-guessing their personal better judgment. In the situation if I was presented with it, I think I would happily help by calling them a ride and suggesting they take it. It’s a bit of a sensitive subject and sticky situation, one that we haven’t really been faced with often especially given our long residency in New York City, but I can’t imagine the alternative and the implications of potentially not speaking up. As a parent, daughter, sister, and friend, I personally have an obligation to use by best judgment for myself, the people around me, and the rest of the world as it relates to my personal decision-making. The holidays make these conversations especially poignant as we’re all celebrating in various different ways, and I feel much more confident being put in a situation after spending time looking at these stats and thinking about how I would respond. I hope it does the same for you. I hope you all have a happy and safe holiday, however you spend it.
Posted in partnership with responsibility.org.
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